I have been thinking about what it takes to make a shift in relationships. I do not believe anyone of us enter a relationship with the thought in mind that they want that relationship to fall apart.
Friendship, parent child, child and parent, a professional relationship or a love relationship, in this aspect we are all the same, we want it to work.
We chose our life partners because we love them. We choose our jobs because we find them interesting we love our parents because they nurture us and our friends because they accept us.
But what happens? When does the sweet milk of relationship happiness go sour? When did that dreamlike merry-go-round start squeaking?
Maybe it was when you stopped seeing the shine in your lover’s eyes. Maybe it was the parents who said no too many times and you didn’t like it. Maybe your parents needed something for themselves and you wouldn’t accept it. Maybe it was when the boss noticed areas that you need improving in for the sake of the company and it bruised your ego. Maybe it was that you were late for the hundredth time and your friends had to move on without you. Maybe you didn’t want to wait for your chronically late friend.
Well here is the news that you probably do not want to hear. It is all about you. I said it and I will say it again, it is all about you!
What would it look like if you took responsibility for what you do not like in your relationships? What would it look like if you looked past yourself and into the bigger space around your complaint? It is true that sometimes what is in that space is too big for us to wrestle and that is ok and you are the one who cannot wrestle with it so don’t blame the other.
What about making a shift?A shift is a change in attitude, judgement or emphasis. It only takes one moment to make a shift and it can change your life by changing the direction of all of your relationships.
Before you make that shift you have to climb over your pride. No matter how big and high that pile of pride is, there is only one way to deal with it and that is by climbing over it. You cannot avoid your pride. You can dig a hole and try to bury it but pride has a way of popping out of hiding when you least expect it.
So now that you have gotten past the pride you can begin seeing your relationships in the new light that the shift provides. Your partner did not change nor did your parents your boss or your friends, you did. You get to see all of those people for who they are and not only for what they are not. You get to see them as the people in your life who bring love and joy making your life more fulfilling and rich. The best part of the shift is that you have just created an opportunity for you to continue loving and being in the successful relationships that you want to be in.
Imagine this, every person you are in relationship with is making their own shifts in their lives every day.
Are you ready to make a shift? Or if you have made a shift I would love to hear about it.
Theresa Norris, CPCC www.norriscoaching.com
Photo by Theresa Norris